Monday, January 27, 2020
A death in the family-montreal author Laura Prince offers words of wisdom ffor Canadians affected by Iranian aircraft tragedy-bit.ly/2GkNRRJ
A death in the family-montreal author Laura Prince offers words of wisdom ffor Canadians affected by Iranian aircraft tragedy-bit.ly/2GkNRRJ
Wednesday, January 15, 2020
The Mourner’s Bill of Rights
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The Mourner’s Bill of Rights
The Mourner’s Bill of Rights by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.
Though you should reach out to others as you do the work of
mourning, you should not feel obligated to accept the unhelpful responses you
may receive from some people. You are the one who is grieving, and as such, you
have certain “rights” no one should try to take away from you. The following
list is intended both to empower you to heal and to decide how others can and
cannot help. This is not to discourage you from reaching out to others for
help, but rather to assist you in distinguishing useful responses from hurtful
ones.
1. You have the right to experience your own
unique grief. No one else will grieve in exactly the same way you
do. So, when you turn to others for help, don’t allow them to tell what you
should or should not be feeling.
2. You have the right to talk about your grief. Talking
about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will allow you to talk
as much as you want, as often as you want, about your grief. If at times you
don’t feel like talking, you also have the right to be silent.
3. You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions. Confusion,
disorientation, fear, guilt and relief are just a few of the emotions you might
feel as part of your grief journey. Others may try to tell you that feeling
angry, for example, is wrong. Don’t take these judgmental responses to heart.
Instead, find listeners who will accept your feelings without condition.
4. You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and
emotional limits. Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you
feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Get daily
rest. Eat balanced meals. And don’t allow others to push you into doing things
you don’t feel ready to do.
5. You have the right to experience “grief bursts.” Sometimes,
out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be
frightening, but is normal and natural. Find someone who understands and will
let you talk it out.
6. You have the right to make use of ritual. The
funeral ritual does more than acknowledge the death of someone loved. It helps
provide you with the support of caring people. More importantly, the funeral is
a way for you to mourn. If others tell you the funeral or other healing rituals
such as these are silly or unnecessary, don’t listen.
7. You have the right to embrace your spirituality.
If faith is a part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you.
Allow yourself to be around people who understand and support your religious
beliefs. If you feel angry at God, find someone to talk with who won’t be
critical of your feelings of hurt and abandonment.
8. You have the right to search for meaning. You may
find yourself asking “Why did he or she die? Why this way? Why now?” Some of
your questions may have answers, but some may not. And watch out for the
clichéd responses some people may give you. Comments like “It was God’s will”
or “Think of what you have to be thankful for” are not helpful and you do not
have to accept them.
9. You have the right to treasure your memories.
Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone
loved. You will always remember. Instead of ignoring your memories, find others
with whom you can share them.
10. You have the right to move toward your grief and
heal.Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a
process, not an event. Be patient and tolerant with yourself and avoid people
who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those around you
must forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever.
A Death in the Family: Sibling Loss, a sisters journey; NEWS PIECE
A Death In The Family: Sibling Loss, A Sister's Journey From Despair To Celebration, Offers Hope To Readers Dealing With The Loss Of A Sibling
Laura Prince's new book detailing the death of her brother has been called "insightful", "powerful" "vivid" "absorbing" and spellbinding.
[Wilmington, NC, January 13 2020] A death in the family is devastating. The loss of a child even more so. Not surprisingly, when a child is lost, we naturally want to console the parents of that child. What we often fail to notice is the effect the death of a child has on the other children in the family. The surviving children must deal with issues that are unique, potentially life-shattering and long lasting. Fear, anxiety, guilt and a host of other challenges can overwhelm young people who are unlikely to be prepared to face such a crippling event.
Laura Prince's new book, 'Sibling Loss, A Sister's Journey from Despair To Celebration', is a first-person account of the crushing effect the death of her brother, had on her life. Prince shares her decades-long process of healing that is, as she claims, a lifelong struggle. Nevertheless it is a book that offers hope. Prince openly and candidly examines the pitfalls and surprising triumphs of grieving. She offers readers a window into her world and allows us to share in her sadness, and in the eventual celebration of her brother as she slowly works her way into a place of quiet joy and gratitude.
“I’ve learned that without a huge and continued effort to heal from life’s upheavals, many crises can never produce healing. Recovering from enormous trauma, as in the sudden accidental death of my brother Mathew, became a kind of life ‘endeavor’ of mine.
"I’ve been blessed with the ability to write, and therefore could share my story with you, so that you, the reader, can be inspired to overcome your grief as well. Writing ‘Sibling Loss’ has been a huge part of my spiritual journey to finally be able to celebrate Mathew’s short but beautiful life.”
Readers and reviewers alike have praised Sibling Loss. One called it "The best story illustrating the long term consequences of unresolved childhood grief that I have seen." Another said, "Sibling Loss: A Sister's Journey from Despair to Celebration is an excellent read and one I would recommend to everyone."
Allan Schnarr, of the Center for Grief Recovery in Chicago said, "Sibling Loss is not a book you read at a dispassionate distance. It is not for you if you choose to avoid facing your losses, not unless you become willing to turn around and face yourself. The reading is a deeply personal encounter with Laura, as she lays bare the unspeakable tragedy of the death of her beloved brother. As you encounter Laura, the mirror she offers will draw you in to the journey inside your own broken heart . . .There is so much to learn here about longing for love, losing love, and searching for it unwaveringly. This is the thread weaving Laura’s narrative. It is at the archetypal core of each journey through life, love lost and found.
"Laura makes it clear that fully grieving the loss of love brings one to a new home, a renewed discovery of love, a love strong enough and wise enough to walk through each new loss with durable, irrepressible grace. Thank you Laura”
Laura’s story, 'Sibling Loss, A Sister's Journey from Despair to Celebration', is a book that would be appropriate for anyone who has ever lost, or will ever lose a sibling. That would be nearly all of us.
Laura Prince is available for media interviews and can be reached by email at laura.prince.book@gmail.com or by using the information below. The book is available at Amazon. More information is available at Prince's website at http://www.siblinglossbook.blogspot.com.
About Laura Prince:
Laura Prince is both an author and the creator and manager of a symphony orchestra. Sibling Loss, A Sister's Journey from Despair to Celebration is her first book. She resides in Canada.
Contact:
Saturday, December 7, 2019
Monday, December 2, 2019
Sibling Loss; A Sister s Journey: A review by Allan Schnarr, Phd.
A death in the family:
So Much to Learn Here……
So Much to Learn Here……
Sibling Loss;A sister s journey.....
Sibling Loss is not a book you read at a dispassionate
distance. It is not for you if you choose to avoid facing your losses, not
unless you become willing to turn around and face yourself. The reading is a
deeply personal encounter with Laura, as she lays bare the unspeakable tragedy
of the death of her beloved brother. As you encounter Laura, the mirror she
offers will draw you in to the journey inside your own broken heart. The
courage this journey requires is more than worth the investment.
For the first couple chapters, as she gives narrative detail to the family history of both her parents, the tragedy in her lineage is intellectually interesting. I found myself following the details with no emotional engagement. This continued as she moved the narrative through her early childhood with her three brothers. I was impressed with the intricate depth of detail that gave such insightful clarity to the family relational dynamics. I was not aware that I was guarding myself from getting emotionally involved – until the tragedy happened.
All my defenses fell, my heart broke open, tears flowed, as Laura described the sudden senseless loss of the one person most dear to her – and I have never lost a sib! I have, however, lost dependable love in childhood. As my own deep losses resonated with her, I noticed myself with a sense of awe at the clarity of her awareness in the midst of unbearable tragedy. I wanted to turn away from such a fierce confrontation with reality. I did not. I am a therapist used to choosing to stay with others in their pain, even when, especially when, it awakens mine.
I stayed with Laura, horrified and fascinated, in the grip of her relentless narrative. The gut wrenching loss wreaked havoc in each of the already struggling family relationships, stretching them taut, to the point of breaking. It is part of the wonder of Laura’s experience that these relationships never did break, at least not irreparably. Though everyone was shattered beyond their ability to cope, though fear and anger, and anguished abandonment overwhelmed each family member, some unshakeable bond lasted. There is so much to learn here about longing for love, losing love, and searching for it unwaveringly. This is the thread weaving Laura’s narrative. It is at the archetypal core of each journey through life, love lost and found.
Laura fights her way through recurrent relationships, with nothing working out, as long as her lost brother looms ever present. This leads to recurrent losses, of love seemingly found only to be lost again, of heartbreak – and of opportunity to grieve, and to learn. The fierce resilience at Laura’s core is a marvel to behold, and hopefully to remember or discover inside oneself. Her search for healing eventually took her to a retreat weekend with The Rothman Cole Center for Sibling Loss (which eventually became the Center for Grief Recovery where I now work). This experience became the turning point as she found the support she needed to work through her grief.
Laura’s story is a testament to the value of the journey of grief recovery. It is a searing path, cutting through deep dark passages. The road leads through increasing wisdom in accepting how inherently loss is at the heart of life. Laura makes it clear that fully grieving the loss of love brings one to a new home, a renewed discovery of love, a love strong enough and wise enough to walk through each new loss with durable, irrepressible grace. Thank you Laura.
I you ve eperienced a death in the family: this is the book you want to read to see the impact on all members and their evolution, especially if it's the death of a brother or sister in youth.
amzn.to/2X8YNJZ
For the first couple chapters, as she gives narrative detail to the family history of both her parents, the tragedy in her lineage is intellectually interesting. I found myself following the details with no emotional engagement. This continued as she moved the narrative through her early childhood with her three brothers. I was impressed with the intricate depth of detail that gave such insightful clarity to the family relational dynamics. I was not aware that I was guarding myself from getting emotionally involved – until the tragedy happened.
All my defenses fell, my heart broke open, tears flowed, as Laura described the sudden senseless loss of the one person most dear to her – and I have never lost a sib! I have, however, lost dependable love in childhood. As my own deep losses resonated with her, I noticed myself with a sense of awe at the clarity of her awareness in the midst of unbearable tragedy. I wanted to turn away from such a fierce confrontation with reality. I did not. I am a therapist used to choosing to stay with others in their pain, even when, especially when, it awakens mine.
I stayed with Laura, horrified and fascinated, in the grip of her relentless narrative. The gut wrenching loss wreaked havoc in each of the already struggling family relationships, stretching them taut, to the point of breaking. It is part of the wonder of Laura’s experience that these relationships never did break, at least not irreparably. Though everyone was shattered beyond their ability to cope, though fear and anger, and anguished abandonment overwhelmed each family member, some unshakeable bond lasted. There is so much to learn here about longing for love, losing love, and searching for it unwaveringly. This is the thread weaving Laura’s narrative. It is at the archetypal core of each journey through life, love lost and found.
Laura fights her way through recurrent relationships, with nothing working out, as long as her lost brother looms ever present. This leads to recurrent losses, of love seemingly found only to be lost again, of heartbreak – and of opportunity to grieve, and to learn. The fierce resilience at Laura’s core is a marvel to behold, and hopefully to remember or discover inside oneself. Her search for healing eventually took her to a retreat weekend with The Rothman Cole Center for Sibling Loss (which eventually became the Center for Grief Recovery where I now work). This experience became the turning point as she found the support she needed to work through her grief.
Laura’s story is a testament to the value of the journey of grief recovery. It is a searing path, cutting through deep dark passages. The road leads through increasing wisdom in accepting how inherently loss is at the heart of life. Laura makes it clear that fully grieving the loss of love brings one to a new home, a renewed discovery of love, a love strong enough and wise enough to walk through each new loss with durable, irrepressible grace. Thank you Laura.
I you ve eperienced a death in the family: this is the book you want to read to see the impact on all members and their evolution, especially if it's the death of a brother or sister in youth.
amzn.to/2X8YNJZ
Sibling Loss, at Marjorie Stoneman Douglas High
A death in the family:
Sibling Loss; a sister s journey....
Sibling Loss; a sister s journey....
April 5, 2018
Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School
A special letter & tribute to the families of the fallen students at the high school
To the families of the children & adults who lost their
lives to a crazed gunman on February 14th/18, a day reserved worldwide for expressing love to one
another, my heartfelt sympathy.
I did not
suffer such an evil act, however my 13 year old brother left the house to go to
a baseball game and was killed by a car on the way. (I ve had a 2 minute video
done that explains the devastation that followed/www.sibling-loss.com).
We all fell
into ‘darkness’ as you have, & I decided I had to do whatever I could to
get back my life. It took years; but with therapy, research and writing, I eventually arrived at a
better place; celebrating my brother s life rather than only mourning his
death. You never get over it, but you can be happy again.
Parents understandably
never really recover completely, we all know. But siblings who took for granted
being at their siblings’ birthdays, weddings, graduations, anniversaries, …..the
list goes on & on, are in shock over the complete change in their futures
without their loved one. They are left with a primary feeling of being
abandoned, being alone, all plans changed without warning, even with other
siblings being there. Left with not knowing how to comfort one another when you
are in so much pain; feeling guilty over any unforgiven misgivings with that
person, wondering if your family would have preferred if it had been someone
else, some other sibling or you, are the tortured feelings that follow. Let it
go as it s NOT so. Find a way to tell one another how you feel, if you can,
& WRITE IT DOWN. Writing was my
saving grace. Pray for peace of mind.
Be together,
cry together & love each other more, as your departed loved one s spirit
will also find peace that way….I believe.
God bless
the memories of Scott Beigel, Martin Duque Anguiano, Nicholas Dworet, Aaron
Feis, Jaime Guttenberg, Chris Hixon, Luke Hoyer, Cara Loughran, Gina Montalto,
Joaquin Oliver, Alaina Petty, Meadow Pollack, Helena, Ramsay, Alex Schachter, Carmen
Schentrup, & Peter Wang.
With my
heartfelt wish for all of you to find peace.
Tuesday, November 12, 2019
Sibling Loss: How I m Feeling Now
A death in the family:
Sibling Loss: This is how I feel now
I must tell you that the old saying "time heals all" is not completely true. To quote Mary Neale from To Heaven & Back, ''When you love with all you have, you grieve with all that you are.....'' As you may know, you think you will never be happy again. Unbeknown to us, Mathew was the underlying stabilizer in our family. After his death, and the ensuing silence, my brothers and I developed in a negative and destructive manner toward one another. Mathew's death left an irreversible void - an emptiness that could never be filled by anyone else.
There is no recipe, and no-one knows--nor will ever know--how you feel, and how you have lived your personal tragedy. It's a matter of finding your way through support groups, therapy and friendships. Writing is a major help, and listening to others' stories is also very healing. Whatever helps you feel compassion for all of us and gratitude for discovering a peaceful place again will help you chart your particular journey to healing.
Time has illustrated to me that the death of my brother was the catalyst to my devastating despair; however, the lack of support was the tragedy. A person left with no avenue of help, especially a child, is emotionally doomed in most ways. Getting help was what got me over Mathew, but only after years of senseless suffering.
Other things haven't changed so quickly....my brothers and I still aren't close since we never were since childhood, and somehow we never got there.....another tragedy, but we are in contact and keep track of one another's lives. And there are tiny grandchildren around us, and they confirm that there's magic; I never dreamed I'd be so enchanted & happy. Be optimistic and get all the help you can; and please believe that the light is around the next turn. It truly is.
amzn.to/2X8YNJZ
Sibling Loss: This is how I feel now
I must tell you that the old saying "time heals all" is not completely true. To quote Mary Neale from To Heaven & Back, ''When you love with all you have, you grieve with all that you are.....'' As you may know, you think you will never be happy again. Unbeknown to us, Mathew was the underlying stabilizer in our family. After his death, and the ensuing silence, my brothers and I developed in a negative and destructive manner toward one another. Mathew's death left an irreversible void - an emptiness that could never be filled by anyone else.
There is no recipe, and no-one knows--nor will ever know--how you feel, and how you have lived your personal tragedy. It's a matter of finding your way through support groups, therapy and friendships. Writing is a major help, and listening to others' stories is also very healing. Whatever helps you feel compassion for all of us and gratitude for discovering a peaceful place again will help you chart your particular journey to healing.
Time has illustrated to me that the death of my brother was the catalyst to my devastating despair; however, the lack of support was the tragedy. A person left with no avenue of help, especially a child, is emotionally doomed in most ways. Getting help was what got me over Mathew, but only after years of senseless suffering.
Other things haven't changed so quickly....my brothers and I still aren't close since we never were since childhood, and somehow we never got there.....another tragedy, but we are in contact and keep track of one another's lives. And there are tiny grandchildren around us, and they confirm that there's magic; I never dreamed I'd be so enchanted & happy. Be optimistic and get all the help you can; and please believe that the light is around the next turn. It truly is.
amzn.to/2X8YNJZ
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