Sibling Loss: How I m Feeling Now

A death in the family:

Sibling Loss: This is how I feel now

I must tell you that the old saying "time heals all" is not completely true. To quote Mary Neale from To Heaven & Back, ''When you love with all you have, you grieve with all that you are.....'' As you may know, you think you will never be happy again. Unbeknown to us, Mathew was the underlying stabilizer in our family. After his death, and the ensuing silence, my brothers and I developed in a negative and destructive manner toward one another. Mathew's death left an irreversible void - an emptiness that could never be filled by anyone else.

There is no recipe, and no-one knows--nor will ever know--how you feel, and how you have lived your personal tragedy. It's a matter of finding your way through support groups, therapy and friendships. Writing is a major help, and listening to others' stories is also very healing. Whatever helps you feel compassion for all of us and gratitude for discovering a peaceful place again will help you chart your particular journey to healing.
 
Time has illustrated to me that the death of my brother was the catalyst to my devastating despair; however, the lack of support was the tragedy. A person left with no avenue of help, especially a child, is emotionally doomed in most ways. Getting help was what got me over Mathew, but only after years of senseless suffering.
 
Other things haven't changed so quickly....my brothers and I still aren't close since we never were since childhood, and somehow we never got there.....another tragedy, but we are in contact and keep track of one another's lives.  And there are tiny grandchildren around us, and they confirm that there's magic; I never dreamed I'd be so enchanted & happy. Be optimistic and get all the help you can; and please believe that the light is around the next turn. It truly is.
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A review for Sibling Loss; A Sisters Journey...

A death in the family: is one of the most horrible eperiences one can have.

"...The grip sibling death has on the survivors' lives reaches so far into the future, few have been able to extricate themselves from the suffocating web to share the grief & verbalize the unthinkable. Children grieve in the same way they laugh and love - in a manner which is uncontrollable, unconditional, and often unending."
Judith Kovalski, M.A., M.S.W.

"...For those who have lost a sibling... Prince reveals the lifelong process of healing. She helps us realize that love of another person transcends all space & time & shapes our lives long after the event of physical death." 

"It is tough reading and it is honest reading. It is a book that will keep you spellbound...The book is the diary of a woman bereaved, and how the dynamics of misguided grief, strong family values often expressed in denial and conflict, and the long term effects of mourning denied, and thus become complicated, that the author experienced. We see the strong values of culture as a compromiser, the differences afforded expressions of grief because of thenature of the relationship or the age/generation of the mourner, expressions of sorrow rooted in the inability to find a meaningful relationship, sexual wanderings in hopes of "curing" the pain, and, in many ways, one of the most graphic expressions of the real challenges of sibling loss as they emerge in the child and often do not find expression and relief until well into adult life."

-- The Rev. Fr. Richard B. Gilbert, Executive Director,The World Pastoral Care Center

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